


Sweetly Naive

by Aurora_bee



Series: Naive [1]
Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Blow Jobs, Comedy, Confusion, Gen, Humor, M/M, Masturbation, Naive, Oral Sex, Sexual Language
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-04
Updated: 2013-08-10
Packaged: 2017-12-22 10:48:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 2,587
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/912309
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aurora_bee/pseuds/Aurora_bee
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Five times Sherlock didn't understand a word and one time he did.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. MILF

A brown paper bag floated past Sherlock as they walked to the Starbucks. He gazed at it watching it as it blew into the face of one of the living statues, situated around Trafalgar square. He smirked to himself as the statue broke his concentration and pulled the bag away. Suddenly he realised it was an analogy of what he was feeling. A sudden moment of blindness.

John opened the door of the Starbucks letting Sherlock through first.

"Grab a table, I'll get the coffees. Flat black 2 sugars?" John asked. Sherlock nodded in response, and slid into a chair. He looked down at a coffee stain on the table frowning to himself. The case had been simple enough, he'd deducted that the wife of a prestigious banker had run away with her young lover and not kidnapped as the police had suspected. Anderson had said something he hadn't understood. Sherlock had ignored it at the time, but now it had started to annoy him. How could Anderson use a word he didn't know the meaning of, had his IQ suddenly dropped? John returned with the coffee and sat down opposite him.

"What's wrong, you've been quiet ever since we left the crime scene?" John said, a concerned look on his face.

"I'm fine." Sherlock replied nonchalantly. 

"Sherlock, whatever it is, you can tell me." John said putting his handover Sherlock's. Sherlock took a breath and let it out.

"John, what's a MILF?" Sherlock asked. John spat his coffee out over the table and stared to cough turning impossibly red. The couple at the next to them stared and giggled. Sherlock looked confused and waited for John to stop coughing. "Sherlock." John whispered. "Don't say that word so loudly in public."

"Why?" Sherlock asked, wondering what beside choking on coffee was causing John to turn letterbox red.

"MILF." John whispered. "Is an acronym for Mother I'd Like to Fuck." Sherlock's top lip curled.

"That's disgusting. That poor woman." Sherlock said wanting to wash his brain of the memory of Anderson grinning as he looked at her photo. 

"Sentiment?" John asked confused.

"Anderson said it at the crime scene." Sherlock replied.

"Ewe!" John said, shuddering slightly. "Poor woman."


	2. Tea Bagging

“We’re having high tea at Claridge's at five.” Sherlock stated as John sat down in his armchair.

“We? Why?” John asked.

“It’s Mummy’s birthday, and I am not putting up with her and Mycroft alone while I watch him eradicate the cake stand.” Sherlock said frowning.

“Fine.” John replied opening his paper and turning to the sports page. Maybe they’d have a nice piece of fruit cake with his name on.

 

John slipped into the cab next to Sherlock who rolled his eyes.

“The brown suit John?” He exclaimed.

“It said smart casual.” John grunted looking down at his suit. It wasn’t that bad really.

“It also said elegant, we really must get you something better.” Sherlock replied. John hissed through his teeth.

 

Fortunately the journey to Claridge's had been swift and Sherlock made no further attempts to insult John’s best suit. They made it into the foyer to find Mycroft and Mrs Holmes had just arrived. Sherlock huffed as his mother ran her hand through his hair.

“You really should get your hair cut darling.” She said brushing it behind his ears.

“Yes Mummy.” Sherlock replied looking like a petulant teenager as he tried to bat her hands away. Mycroft smirked, amused with his mothers concern and his brothers annoyance.

They were escorted to their table and quietly sat down. Tea was brought and poured into delicate china cups.

“This is lovely.” John said beaming as he added a little cream to his tea. “Thanks for allowing me to come.” He said addressing Mrs Holmes.

“Of course John, Sherlock’s boyfriend is always welcome.” Mrs Holmes replied covering his hand with her own. John swallowed hard.

“He’s not my boyfriend Mummy.” Sherlock growled, embarrassed. 

“Of course not darling.” She said smiling, her eyes sparkling in the light. Sherlock turned his attention to his brother who appeared to be salivating over the cake stand.

“Oh for god sake Mycroft just have one of each. You know you want to.” Sherlock said with venom. John kicked him under the table and frowned.

“Pick a cake Sherlock and eat it or I’ll let Mrs Hudson use the skull to add flavour to her soup.” John said sternly.

“I’ll have an éclair please. Mycroft I recommend the coffee puff.” Sherlock said trying to keep a straight face.

Pleasant conversation flowed between Mycroft, John and Mrs Holmes as Sherlock gazed around the room taking in anything other than the boring conversation at his table. He watched as a young lady dropped her herbal teabag into a cup of hot water. She stirred it and a few moments later removed it while pulling a string to squeeze all of the water out.

“Is that what they call tea bagging?” Sherlock asked, just before he was sprayed with a mouthful of coffee puff and fruit cake. He looked around, the room was eerily quiet. “Not good?” He asked as John dragged him to the men’s room.

“Sherlock.” John said. “I know you didn’t realise, but tea bagging has nothing to do with tea. It’s when someone puts someone else’s uhm… in their mouth.” John blushed.

“Testicles?” Sherlock said lifting his eyebrow. 

“Got it in one.” John replied, not wanting to explain further. 

 

John and Sherlock returned to the table and sat as the other patrons stared in their direction. John noticed that Mycroft had ordered another cream puff.

“So boys what exactly was that about?” Mrs Holmes stated. “And what on earth does tea bagging mean?”


	3. Blow Job

The flat was in exactly the same state he left it exactly a week before. John sighed to himself, was it too much to ask for Sherlock to pick up his coffee mug? John peered at the blue mould starting to form as he dropped his bag on the floor.

"Sherlock." John called startled by the instantaneous reply.

"Here John." Sherlock was sitting at the kitchen table staring at something through his microscope. John's mouth dropped open as he took in the plaster cast that was encasing Sherlock's arm from his fingers right up to his armpit.

"Sherlock what the hell did you do? You should have called me I would have come back." John said examining his friend further.

"I tripped on the rug. I assure you that the doctor in the hospital did a sufficient job." Sherlock grumbled as John huffed to himself.

"I thought I was your doctor." John said brushing Sherlock's hair away from his eyes.

"You are my doctor." Sherlock said seductively licking his lips. John tilted his head and moved closer to Sherlock, he gently placed his hand on the back of Sherlock's head and closed his eyes.

"Sherlock. I have those fingers you wanted." Molly called from the hallway. John opened his eyes and snapped his head back. "Oh hello, John glad you're back, are you ok you look a bit red?" John nodded wishing the world would swallow him up. He'd nearly done it, nearly kissed his best friend.

"Thank you Molly. Could you put them in the fridge." Sherlock said as she moved around him.

"You know Sherlock your hair looks really good today, how'd you manage that with your arm in plaster?" Molly asked as she closed the fridge door.

"Mr Hudson gave me a blowjob." Sherlock replied. Molly slapped her hand over her mouth to stop herself from giggling. John rolled his eyes.

"Sherlock." John said sighing. "You mean blow dry."

"Yes, yes I said that." Sherlock replied flustered. "Molly don't you have corpses to cut up?" Molly nodded and ran out of the room. John put the kettle on.

"A blow job is an act of oral stimulation of the penis by a sexual partner or yourself." John said quietly.

"That sounds like it came straight out of a text book." Sherlock said with a smirk.

"It did." John said getting out two clean mugs.

"How do you do that to yourself John?" Sherlock asked. John swallowed hard.


	4. Felching

John furiously battled with Harry to turn the CD she was playing off. He finally gave up when he realised she was paying more attention to him than the road ahead.

"Harry! That's disgusting!" John said as he tried to block out the lyrics of an odd song about Yogi Bear. "You're killing my childhood memories."

"Oh you prude." Harry said laughing at her brother. "Don't want your boyfriend to hear what he's been missing eh."

"He's not my boyfriend." Sherlock and John both said at the same time.

"Yeah whatever. Listen I'm doing you a favour you can at least put up with my choice of music." Harry said smirking.

"Fine." Sherlock said from the back seat, pulling his coat collar up around his ears.

 

Finally they got to their destination and got out, John slammed the passenger door.

"Oi, careful don't hurt my baby." Harry yelled. "Do you want me to hang around and take you back?"

"We'll walk." Sherlock replied frowning.

"It's twenty miles!" Harry said annoyed.

"We'd rather walk." John said as he gave her a two finger wave.

"That's the last time I do you a bloody favour." Harry yelled out the window as she pulled away.

"That was a little harsh for you John." Sherlock said a concerned look on his face.

"She deserved it Sherlock." John said rubbing his temples.

"Harry did seem rather concerned about your lack of a sex life at the moment." Sherlock stated.

"Yes she did." John replied knowing exactly what was coming next.

"What did she mean when she asked you if we'd tried felching?" Sherlock asked. One of the songs they had been listening to had used the word, and Harry had seemed to find it hilarious to bandy it around. John blushed and stopped putting his hand on Sherlock's chest before they went any further.

"I'm going to say this once, and once only. She was asking if I'd come in your arse and then sucked it out." John replied avoiding eye contact. Sherlock turned green and doubled over. The contents of his stomach spilled over the pavement. "Oh god Sherlock." John said rubbing his back soothing him. "You're not normally this squeamish." Sherlock looked up his eyes red and wiped his mouth with his sleeve.

"I heard that word before." Sherlock said trembling.

"Go on." John replied intrigued.

"I overheard a conversation Mycroft was having with Lestrade." Sherlock groaned.

"I feel ill." John replied with a shiver.


	5. Stranger on the Rocks

John sat at the table in his local pub drinking with two of his mates, Mike and Bill. After the third pint the conversation had degenerated slightly, and John was thankful Sherlock was at home.

"So 3 continents Watson doesn't have a girlfriend at the moment?" Bill slurred. John rolled his eyes, Mike looked at him smirking slightly.

"I don't need one." John snapped.

"It's that bloke you live with isn't it. You've got a man crush." Bill laughed.

"He is handsome." John said before he snapped his mouth shut. "I am not gay!"

"Try bi." Bill suggested. John sighed and rubbed his forehead.

"Alright I fancy him, but nothing is ever going to happen. He's married to his work." John said as Mike looked at him sadly.

"Guess you'll just have to use your own hand then. Or try a 'stranger on the rocks'." Bill said grinning. John lifted an eyebrow, now that was a good idea.

 

"Sherlock have we got any ice?" John called from the kitchen. Sherlock said nothing still engrossed in whatever he was reading on his laptop screen. John shook his head and shoved his hand in the freezer pretending to look for something. Finally Sherlock spoke.

"John, what does a 'stranger on the rocks' mean?" Sherlock asked. John snatched his hand out of the freezer.

"Did you follow me to the pub Sherlock?" John asked blushing furiously.

"No why?" Sherlock asked looking up from the screen. John wasn't sure to believe him or not.

"No reason." John replied preparing himself for the explanation. "The term 'stranger on the rocks' refers to masturbation, you put your hand in ice to freeze it and then masturbate, it gives you the feeling that it's someone else's hand."

"Not unlike what you were just doing." Sherlock stated deadpan.

"No. I.." John popped a couple of ice cubes into a glass. "Wanted a whiskey on the rocks." Sherlock smirked as John poured some whiskey into his glass. "Now if you don't mind I'm going to retire for the evening."

"The tissue's are in your bedside table drawer." Sherlock shouted up after him. 

Sherlock smiled snapping his laptop shut and leaning back in his chair. He'd followed John to the pub of course and sat quietly listening to the conversation. It turned out John's pub nights weren't so boring after all. It turned out John really liked him, and he really liked John. Sherlock went to the kitchen and pulled out the ice cube tray. It couldn't hurt to try, could it?


	6. Pearl Necklace

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Well final chapter hope you've enjoyed it. I hope it's not disappointing too

"Interesting." Sherlock mumbled steepling his hands under his chin where he sat on the sofa. The case they had just finished had involved a heist from a jewellers, Jelly Babies and an albino little person.

"Confusing." John replied, putting a mug of tea and some hot buttered toast in front of his friend. "Now eat something." 

The entire case had been completely nonsensical, how Sherlock had made his deductions John would never know. He'd just stood back amazed wishing he could come up with something more original than 'amazing' or 'fantastic' to say. Unfortunately the only alternative his addled mind could come up with was 'drop your trousers and I'll blow you now'. Sherlock nibbled on his toast and watched John watching him, his eyes making their way down his body.

"Problem?" Sherlock asked finally catching John's eye.

"No, no you were just.. amazing." John replied, slightly embarrassed as yet again his brain seemed to have short circuited. 

"You seemed a little preoccupied when we found the stolen jewellery." Sherlock stated. "Particularly the pearl necklace." 

"Mmm.." John replied not really paying any attention to the words, more the lips they were falling from. They were as smooth as pearl, John thought, he'd give his high teeth to have them wrapped around his.... John shock his head trying to get rid of his inappropriate thoughts.

"I think I'd like a pearl necklace." Sherlock said suddenly.

"I don't think it would go with that suit." John laughed sitting down in his arm chair. Sherlock raised and eyebrow then stood and walked over to his own armchair and sat down opposite John.

"John I believe there is also another meaning to that sentence." Sherlock replied as he unbuttoned the top buttons on his shirt for emphasis. John's eyes nearly shot out of his head in surprise.

"Sherlock a pearl necklace is when a guy ejaculates over another person's neck after sex, giving the appearance of a pearl necklace." John said sadly believing Sherlock would never allow that.

"I know." Sherlock said kneeling down between John's legs. John shivered as Sherlock undid his flies. "I'll try not to swallow."

"Oh god!" John groaned as his trousers suddenly tented. "Just one thing first." He said running his fingers through Sherlock's hair. "Kiss me you idiot!" Sherlock grinned lifting his head up to capture John's lips with his own for the first time.


End file.
